Marriage- a MEANS not an END

Assalamu'alaykum..

I read an article and it's very interesting.

It really is something that people can't stop talking about, eventhough you really don't want to.

Good points shared here, so have a good time reading it!

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MARRIAGE DELAYED

(copied from here)

Bismillah.

Marriage, seems to be the topic people are tired of hearing about, yet want to continue talking about. I think this topic rose to fame and has remained a favorite in the westernMuslim community because of how difficult it has become; getting married (the halal) at this time is difficult, while temptation (and haram) by its very essence is easy. Many youth feel that they are ready to get married, but face a number of obstacles (all of which I could not enumerate or recognize as every sister’s circumstance is different, but I would guess family is one of the more common issues faced).

To digress for a moment here, I remember many years back, my friend and I had gone to the video store with her little sister and nanny. My friend’s sister ended up wanting a toy which the nanny said she couldn’t have, and so she was crying about the toy all the way home. The same happens with chocolate – we might tell ourselves "no more chocolate for this week," and then end up thinking about chocolate more than we do in the first place.This is essentially what happens when you want something which you are told you can’t have until a later date ,you think about it. By the same token this happens with the issue of marriage. Some youth are interested and can’t go ahead with it and then have it on their mind constantly trying to drive the thoughts away. So, what can youth in this situation do?

Firstly, it’s a good time to remember that marriage is a means, and not an end. Think about it, is your purpose in life to get married? Will you be 100% happy and trouble-free when you get married? The answer to both questions is no. We all know our purpose is to worship Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala. And, it’s not like after you get married, you and your husband will joyfully skip into the sunset and it’s happily ever after. Pure happiness, peace, and tranquillity can only be found in Jannah. Which brings me to my next point – let us not forget about what we really should have on our mind and be striving for, Jannah.

I began to reflect on some lines of a poem:

O single Muslim!
How intelligent are you!
While some make marriage their ultimate goal,
You know it's only a means,
To reach the final abode!

Questions started popping into my mind: why did I want to get married? What is marriage a means for? What is the end?

Why do people want to get married?

Many reasons, and again I could not list them all here. The main ones, are as follows:

• To please and increase in the worship and obedience of Allah AzzawaJall, and to follow the sunnah of the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam)

• To protect themselves from falling into zina and haram, and a halal way to satisfy their desires

• They don’t have a good family life or have problems at home which they want to escape from

• They like the idea of being loved, having a family, etc.

source: click here

The first point should be the primary reason we want to get married, while if there are any other factors they should be secondary to that main one.

What is marriage a means for?

In relation to the previous question, once you set your main intention in order, you realize marriage is a means to complete half your deen. It is a tool for raising a family upon the religion in obedience Allah Azzawa Jall. And increase and better yourselves together. Ultimately all this is to please Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala and gain Jannah bi’ithnillah.

What is the end?

Thus, we now see that the main goal in our lives shouldn’t be to get married, but to live life in such a way that we can insha’Allah have the Mercy of Allah Azzawa Jall reach us. The end we want is Jannah (Jannatul Firdaus, insha’Allah)!

So we’ve got all that sorted but you still can’t get married…what do you do?

If it’s really not possible for you to get married at the moment, for whatever reason, then there is no point in obsessing over it and thinking about it every moment. If we consider the current situation rationally, we need to ask ourselves: is thinking about it going to change the circumstances? Nope. Accept the reality and stop ‘scouting’ out prospects X years in advance. Put your head down, and occupy your time with good deeds and activities that will please Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala. I’m not saying that you won’t think of marriage for the next X years, you will naturally think about it occasionally, but insha’Allah it won’t be on your mind 24/7. Busy yourself with ibadaat, learn more about your deen (there are so many books that one can read insha Allah wa mash’Allah), memorize Qur’an and understand tafsir, volunteer, get involved in projects serving the deen (online or in person), hold fundraisers, etc. And finally, work on yourself, for the sake of Allah AzzawaJall and your akhirah.

Our love for Allah AzzawaJall, and then the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, and Jannah should be greater than our love for other humans in this dunya. Make the deen your life and focus. You may still get whispers from Shaytan telling you to impress that brother, but fight away those thoughts and keep on marching forward insha Allah. On the Day of Judgment, you will stand alone with your character and deeds, so don’t lose sight of death and the akhirah.

I would like to briefly address the sisters who believe that they are ready for marriage and can eventually convince their parents (gently and respectfully) or overcome the hurdle that is stopping them. My advice would be to go for it! Marrying young is the sunnah, and if you can marry, then why not? Start researching, learning, and reading books about marriage in Islam, its obligations and sunnah, evaluate yourself and what you realistically want in a spouse. And of course do istikhareh prayer before you make any big decisions.

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Istikharah (Seeking Allah's Counsel)

"Oo Allah, I seek the counsel of Your Knowledge, and I seek the help of Your Omnipotence, and I beseech You for Your Magnificent Grace. Surely, You are Capable and I am not. You know and I know not, and You are the Knower of the unseen.

Oo Allah, if You know that this matter (then mention the thing to be decided) is good for me in my religion and in my life and for my welfare in the life to come, then ordain it for me and make it easy for me, then bless me in it.

And if You know that this matter is bad for me in my religion and in my life and the afterlife, then distance me from it, and ordain for me what is good wherever it may be, and help me to be content with it.."

Al-Bukhari 7/162

(as taken from 'Fortress of The Muslim-invocations from The Quran and Sunnah' book compiled by Sa'id bin Wahf Al-Qahtani)

For Future Moms~ (and Dads)

Bismillah..

Assalamu'alaykum!

Wana share this good video here:

You gotta watch this video for all beautiful stories Sheikh Syed Rageah shared!

It's important. To have righteous kids, we gotta be righteous too. So let's start becoming one, NOW.

Hope it benefits ya!

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Few IMPORTANT points i'd like to highlight here (and i believe it's crucial for us

all to know, inshaAllah):

1. Problems (Identify, minimize, avoid!)~

• Parents too busy to educate Islam to their children
• Bad examples of mothers (na'udzhubillah)-they add confusion to their daughters.

Well, you know, the 'HIJAB' concept. Putting it on only when they're in mosque and once they step out of the mosque, their hijab just disappeared-gone! Or shall i

say, flew away? :(

• Temptations around (Watch the vid to know the list :)
• Not having the right model to follow.
• Bad environment (Gives great influence to the kids since they learn most through observations-through their cute lil' eyes that act more like 2 sets of non-stoppable+non-filterable video recording! Parents, you'd better watch out!)

2. Since Islam's teachings are all meant to provide us BEST CURE, which is PREVENTION, Sheikh had shared with us some 'sweets yet hard to chew' tips:

• Set Prophet Muhammad salallahu 'alayhi waslm (s.a.w), habeebuna, as our BEST ROLE MODEL-uswatul hasanah

Why i wrote 'our best role model', not 'their'(the kids)? Because to teach these kids to take Prophet Muhammad (saw) as their BEST ROLE MODEL and to implement the sunnan of habeebuna (s.a.w) in everything they do, we have to do them FIRST. Remember the famous quote, "WALK THE TALK"? Uhuh. YOU-WALK THE TALK FIRST before the others :)

• Parents, as your kids ROLE MODELS, should always behave in good manners. Should (or MUST) practise praised characters as taught by our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw)..

source:click here

MUST never lie to your kids. MUST go to the mosque oftenly, pray jama'ah prayers (to

dads, note this!), be righteous in speeches and deeds, LIVE ISLAMICALLY...MUST DO everything by YOURSELF first, if you want your kids to do the same. Remember i told you they are the 'recorder'?.....

May Allah put ease in all of our affairs as to our sincere intentions and deeds! Aaamin!

source: click here

• To have intelligent, righteous, pious kids like Imam Syafi'e (may Allah have mercy upon him)-start before your delivery to your baby!

So, dads musn't bring any haraam food/stuff into the house. Have your house near the mosque so that your kids (boys especially) could walk there themselves to perform jam'ah prayers when dads get busy and not around... And moms should live islamically also; read+understand al-quran and act upon its teachings, live the sunnah, conduct good attitudes, etc.. (watch the vid to know more)

• If you want your kids to be PERFECT muslims, AIM HIGH.

And then from there, you have to always try to raise them (like sheikh said, 'mold them') so that later on, when they reach age of 15+ (Being teenagers, ya know how hard it is for them to deal with so many LURING yet DESTRUCTIVE temptations), they are easier for you to handle as they would be more obedient to you in righteousness as compared to others of their age that aren't raised islamically. May Allah make our children among the righteous and have taqwa! Aaamin.

So, as future mothers, we really have to prepare ourselves with 'ilm and good akhlaq!

source: click here

• TVs-put on good shows to watch with the kids, put away all the bad and harmful shows away from the kids. (Personally, i'd rather not to have TV at home..)

Well, the sheikh somehow suggested to us to have a more productive time spent with the family-having a visit during the weekend to good+righteous families or any outdoor activities where all of your family members could participate in a healthy-islamic environment. (volunteering in charity work will also do! :)

• Kids are amanah (a trust) from Allah.

So we have to fear Allah! It's a GREAT deal!

When a sister lends you her fave book, what will you do? Surely you wouldn't wana betray her trust to you, right? So you would wana take very good care of it and handle the book carefully-you wouldn't wana lose her trust to you. If that's the case of her trust (the book), what about HIS trust to you(the kids)? Will really have to provide these kids their rights (the utmost priority!): to educate them Islam..

You wouldn't want them to stand infront of Allah and complain, "Oo Allah, my mom (or

dad) didn't teach me how to pray. They didn't teach me how to read the Quran. They didn't teach me..(you can name all the pillars of Islam/Iman if you want).."

Instead of having your kids as a key to jannah, things are happening just the opposite. Na'udzhubillah.. :(

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• For new muslims and new-practising muslims :)

CHANGE ENVIRONMENT!

Uhuh, you read me. If you want to change to a better muslima, want to practise Islam as what you've learnt but the environment just not that friendly to your changes, guess what? You REALLY GOTTA CHANGE THE ENVIRONMENT :)

How?

Sheikh's suggestions:

a. Change friends. Have them who are:

-righteous. (they love spending time in mosque/muslims' organized events)

-remind you to fear Allah (in everything you do)

-correct you when you do wrong things

b. New muslims: don't try to go back (to your former friends-life before you learn enough of your deen.

- How can you dive to save your friend if you don't know how to swim? So stay dry, till you learn to swim. :)

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BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND RELATIONSHIP.

How to stay steadfast in avoiding this forbidden relationship?

a. Sincere du'a..

"Oo Allah, You know who i am and who i used to be. Please guide me to remain on this path (steadfastness in obeying/pleasing Allah)" or something alike. :)

b. Avoid being in places of fitan (plural for fitna)-disco, pubs, places where intermingles (and other poisons to our iman) are unavoidable.

c. Fast as much as you can

d. Spend most of your time in mosque..

*Tips above are written to remind the imperfect+forgetful-me, before reminding the others :)

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"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun"

(Al-Furqan:74)

.

Which One Do You Prefer?

Assalamu'alaykum!

Read this BRUTALLY honest article! (well, at least this is how the writer described it herself ;)

Debunking The "Pretty Woman" Myth: How Romance Novels and Films Delude Youth

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"..So which one is it going to be, ladies?

Do you want the delusive, fair-seeming mirage, or the sweet-tasting but down-played reality?

Do you want the euphoric but temporary pleasure of lust and amore, or the more subtle but permanent love and companionship that is independent of youth and physical attributes, yet spans decades?

Do you want the kind of guy who will give you the giddy but short-lived haramrelationship, or the one who will give you the most phenomenally rewarding and long-term, halal one?

Wake up, girl! Do you really want to be the hottie that catches the eye of guys driving by in Lotus Esprits, or do you want to be the preserved gem – whose earnest prayers can change the decree of your Benevolent Creator – to find you the man who will treat you with the romantic love, kindness and respect that you deserve?

O wannabe “Vivienne”, you deserve much more than $100 dollars a night in a fancy hotel penthouse! اَعُوذُ بِاللّه

Strive to become the jewel that will make you deserve a palace of pearls in the middle of Al-Firdaus - the best place to dwell in, with the man who loves you unconditionally, under the shade of the throne of the One Who loves you both, for eternity.."

*Read the article to know more:

Exhibit A?

Exhibit B?

Which one do you prefer? :)

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"O Ever Living One.. O Eternal One, by Your mercy i call on You to set right all my affairs.. Do not place me in charge of my soul even for the blinking of an eye (a moment).."

Sound hadeeth: Al-Hakim (Fortress of The Muslim)

Ukhty Alima: Love Unveiled

Bismillah....

Assalamu'alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Here's an eBook that i want all of my sisters to subscribe [click below]:

Love Unveiled: An Insight into Love and Marriage

By Ukht Alima Ashfaq

And here's her page I am Alima (FB)

"WHY SHOULD I SUBSCRIBE?.."

Hope the glimpses of this eBook will give you the main ideas on what's happening here!

EnchaAllah~

1. What is the Mysterious thing called LOVE?

" You need to know what is love is, so you can differentiate between LOVE and LUST. Whether it's BEFORE marriage or AFTER. Once you know what it's not-YOU CAN FOCUS ON ACHIEVEING WHAT IT IS.."

2. Marriage in Islam?

"Once you understand the importance of MARRIAGE IN ISLAM, your desire to get married will increase, and you will want to DO IT CORRECTLY in order to attain happiness within this relationship If you're married, you will learn the IMPORTANCE OF MAINTAINING THIS RELATIONSHIP in the good times and bad, as it's something that is emphasized in the Shari'ah and Allah wants the best for you.."

My comments: And here, in this part it goes on correcting your misconceptions on marriage. Marriage is not to just SATISFY one's LUST as many people think, alright? Not to be perceived as a one-day picnic where people just have fun for quite some time and leave after the 'picnic moment' is over! It's more than that. It's all about RESPONSIBILITY-beautifully and happily carried upon the married couples if they do things right.. :)

3. Mekka and Madina

"Two blessed lands, yet very unique and different in their own ways. Once you learn the importance of the other and give both its due right-life will be at ease.... Your marriage will be at ease!"

EnchaAllah!

My comments: Beautiful analogy! Instead of having "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus", now we have "Men Are from Mekka, Women Are from Medina".. How sweet! MashaAllah..

4. I Want You.... But I Fear Allah!

"This life is a test and you have to protect yourself. once you understand the importance of protecting yourself from falling into haraam, you will actively seek to stay away from this and success will be yours.."

I'm telling you this once again: YOU MUST SUBSCRIBE to this eBook. EnshaAllah you will benefit a LOT from here.. :)

"It's your choice. The life you choose to lead is due to the choices you make. If you make them right with the intelligence then you won't go wrong. If you're hasty and you go into a road without a calculated decision then you're setting yourself up for trouble.."

pss: Recall on what a wise man said to me once, "Marriage is no longer significant to many men today because the world is so corrupted-that they have all those means to get what they want, at anytime, anywhere.. So why should they burden themselves with responsibilities (marriage)?"

Allah musta'an.

Wallahu alam..

Why NIQAB?

Bismillah..

Assalamu'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh..

"If you’re going to start ‘hooking up with your deen again’, take it step by step.."

A short advice i got from a blogpost.. So true indeed..

Check out these links advising our new-practising muslimaat on NIQAB. Since many are asking me how to start wearing niqab, maybe these links would b a bit of help. InshaAllah :)

To Wear Niqab..Or Not To!

Does This Make Me An Extremist?

Niqabi Who Needs a Little Boost!

Here some videos that i suppose will help to motivate my dear niqabis :)

Why Muslim Women are Beautiful? :)

Wny I Love Niqab..

And here's fatwa regarding Niqab, a scholarly view that takes Niqab as an obligation, given by Sheikh Muhammad Salih al-Munajjid:

Why Women Have to Wear Niqab?

And more dalil for Niqab according to Al-Quran and As-Sunnah:

Examining the Dalils For Niqab

To read and discover more of the scholarly arguments on why Niqab isn't an obligation, i suggest my dear sisters to read a book entitled "Muslim Women's Dress: Hijab or

Niqab" written by Syed Mutawalli ad-Darsh. Here some links you can refer to know more on this book:

Buy: Book

Book Review

And the most important thing is: DO THE RIGHT THING WITH THE RIGHT INTENTION AND RIGHT WAYS OF DOING IT

May Allah guide us to what pleases HIM.. Amin! (^_^)

~In Islam, women are precious~

STOP THAT!

STOP calling your sisters with bad names..

STOP classifying, judgementing them..

STOP hurting their feelings by any means!

START making friends with your sisters.

START loving them for Allah's sake!

Who knows if you could be the START for them to know/practise ISLAM BETTER THAN EVER?

SHARE the beauty of ISLAM-SISTERHOOD with every sister you know/ meet, even if it's to be a SIMPLE SMILE..

I love my sisters..

No matter where you are from..

Who you are..

Whatever you are..

However you are..

We are all here to help, complete each other..

InshaAllah..

~May our sisterhood brings us benefits in all of our affairs in this world and the hereafter. Aaaamin!~

Wassalamu'alaykum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh..

Women-Beauty

ASsalamu'alaykum..

My dear sisters..

How could you refuse to wear hijab?

How could you refuse jannah?

If you are to be the Miss Universe, know that you are not as beautiful as Prophet Yusuf a.s..

If you are to be the MIss Popular, know that you are not as popular and great as Prophet Muhammad (saw)

If you are to be a millionaire, know that you are not as rich as Prophet Sulayman a.s..

Your beauty, popularity, money-none will remain forever!

So it's not worth it to forgo you obligations in covering your awra just for all these temporary pleasures?

I'd rather cover my awra for the sake of permanent pleasure: Jannah..

InshaAllah.. May Allah be pleased with all of our deeds fiddunya wa akhira.. :))